Euros Ate My Dollars

10. Xboy
Who needs Xbox? For the mere price of 20 Euros, you can have your own Xboy! Is it made by Microsoft? No! Is it a working game console? I doubt it! Is it really just a brick in a box? All signs point to yes! Merry Christmas, Junior!

9. GameSatation 2
Sitting right next to “Xboy” in a sleazy electronics shop in Hania is something called “Gamesatation 2.” I really wanted to ask what is actually inside the box, but the store owner chased me off when he caught me taking these pictures and laughing.

8. Gerani Lemonade
Just like lemonade, but with one crucial difference: it’s carbonated! It’s bottled in Greece, so I’ve been drinking it like crazy in case I can’t find it elsewhere in Europe. I tell you this: When I return to the States, all my Country Time lemonade will be made with carbonated water.

7. Chocolate Croissant
OK, so these are really only in Greek bakeries in order to appease the hordes of British tourists. In other words, you would be right if you protested that these aren’t really Greek at all. And if you did so, I would say that I’ll eat a chocolate croissant every day of the week if I want to, and no one will ever keep me away from them again, so you just need to BACK OFF!!!

6. Oregano Chips
This sounds sort of weird/unappetizing, which is of course the reason we bought them in the first place. As it turns out, it’s like Sour Cream and Onion chips and Old Bay chips had a delicious chip baby. They favor Sour Cream and Onion chips slightly more though, so I guess that was the mother.

5. Gyros
The ultimate late night snack. I’ve always liked these in the States, but I didn’t know gyros until I tried “Mike’s” on the Hania harbor. Mike knows gyros. Take one homemade pita, and fill it with slow roasted pork, fresh tomatoes, spinach, tzatziki sauce, and the ultimate coup de grace: french fries. Also, it turns out that everyone who tried to tell me that “gyros” is pronounced “yeeros” was right. Gyros ate my dollars?

4. Loukoumades
Beauty in simplicity, which means that you can make these yourself tonight in a few easy steps. Buy some biscuit dough, roll it into balls, and fry it up in a pan. Once it’s looking like golden doughnut holes, cover it in honey and cinnamon. Presto! You just made loukoumades, and that sound you hear is me trying to force my way into your home to steal every single one.

3. TonTon
To be fair, Greece has to share the credit with Denmark for this particular product. Half Greek, half Danish, 100% pure legendary explorer. In the time it takes you to eat your mortal breakfast, TonTon has discovered at least three new ancient civilizations. Whose residents were tinier than Thumbkin. And who tell him the secrets of the galaxy when no one else is around. For more on TonTon, you should probably read this story.

2. Raki
Ouzo is the more famous Greek spirit, but raki is distinct to Crete. You could buy raki in brand-name bottles, but why bother when everyone is willing to sell you their own homemade version at half the price? Raki is made from fermented grape skins, which gives it a wine-like taste. The cool thing about this wine-like taste is that it is exceptionally good at hiding behind the distinct taste of burning. But the people of Crete are tough, and any day when they aren’t drinking raki before noon is a day that they must not have been awake before noon. This can also be attributed to raki.

1. After a full day of consumer electronics scams, oregano-flavored everything, and of course, TonTon, there’s simply nothing quite like…

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